Sunday, January 16, 2011

Black Swan...more like acid trip, amirite?

  Ah yes, Black Swan. The movie that is sure to generate Oscar buzz or whatever hell else awards ceremony they have planned. It’s a shame, isn’t it? A big movie buff like me and I have never and probably never will watch the Oscars or Emmys or whatever. I don’t need people to tell me a movie is dope, although on occasion I do need people to tell me what the eff happened in a certain movie. Seriously, go watch Donnie Darko. It took 75 sittings, 3 director commentaries, the reading of the philosophy of time travel, and a lot of drugs to understand that movie. Yet, I am still not sure if I got it right.

   I thought Black Swan was going to be like that. I thought it would be a whole helping of depression, with a side of some graphic sex acts and a crazy ending leaving it up to me to decide if the main character is dead or going to live happily ever after. See the director likes to follow a certain guideline in all his movies. Little to none of what I expected went down like that in this movie. This movie did not roll that way. Instead, I was watching a movie that felt new. It was like the director was someone else. Even his standard use of the camera was upgraded for this film. It’s almost as if he made all the movies just to get enough money to make this one. Hmmm. It would be smart, right? Any who, as I stated, this movie was not at all what I thought it was going to be. It was better in a weird sort of way.

   The basic premise of this movie is some uptight, white girl ballerina who has never done anything without being told to (we all know them types) is auditioning for the role of Swan Lake. Now, if your asking yourself, "Why Willie, what’s Swan Lake?", kindly stop reading here and go back to Youtube. Seriously, I’ve never seen any form of ballet and I know what it is. It’s like one of the most popular things to ever involve hot skinny chicks in tutus, dancing around like a bunch of swans. So anyway, she’s auditioning this role when in walks this loose ballerina chick who rolls and gets generally shitty at bars (we all know them types), who’s clearly a hottie. In white chick A's mind, this new white chick, who shall be called white chick B, is a threat. That’s about when shit gets real. For the next hour or so, this movie fucked my brain hardcore. I’m not talking about that sensual, here’s a bottle of wine and some Al Green, sex either. I mean this movie fucked my brain. hardcore. Over the counter, I’m not taking no for an answer, type of sex. Then after it stopped I’m saying to myself, "Okay, that’s cool, I can rest now." Wrong! this movie kicked the door back down and helped itself to a second helping. Sand paper condom, no lube, all that stuff. This movie is just so weird, it’s awesome. However, the whole time you must remember it’s called Black Swan for a reason. The title will actually give you some comfort in thinking you will know what’s going on and be able to grasp the situation. That is, of course, only until you stop thinking to yourself and start watching the movie again.
   Naturally, I’m going to say the story was dope. I mean it’s unpredictable, not too hard to follow and actually interesting. I’m not saying that I’m into ballet now and that I totally want to go see Swan Lake. I’m just saying Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis making out was dope. Like really, really dope. Which brings me to a good point. I know I live in the South and everyone has delicate sensibility about things like homosexuality and drugs but who the fuck walks out of a lesbian scene? Seriously? This wasn’t an unneeded lesbian scene either and its not like it wasn’t hot. It was very, very hot and too short in my opinion. Some chick just walked out with that smug "I’m better than this" look on her face. Hey lady, it’s like 2011, if you cant appreciate a good muff diving scene, go home and watch TBN till the cows come home. (Hee, I’ve been trying to find a sentence to use that in). The acting was good, specifically from my favorite character in the movie. He add just the right amount of dick natured asshole to the movie without going overboard with it and some comedy too. It’s hard to imagine that I laughed a few times in a movie as crazy as this but he provided the laughs I needed so my brain didn’t feel to bad about the mind rape.
   The music was fitting and had hit at the right places when it needed to. I'm not really into the type of music being played but it seemed to fit. I'm pretty sure its just the Swan Lake soundtrack though lol. As for the acting, it definitely gets like 9000 points from me. Natalie Portman really made me think she was an uptight white chick who lets everyone rule over her and crazy, don't forget crazy. The rest of the actors/actresses did good. There was no one that didn't really seem to fit there except for the piano player but he did fit the part he was playing for. I guess its that the actor didn't fit, just not the role. Seriously, it's like your about to have this acid trip again and then blam! Out of no where he brings us back to reality for 5 whole seconds, which after it ends we go back to the crazy lol. Now my favorite thing about this movie, and yes it will seem silly, was the camera work. Whoever was in control of that thing was effin' amazing and yeah, when the Oscars or whatever comes out, I bet 50 bucks right now, that they win for that shit. I found myself stopping and thinking a lot about how dope that camera work was. Then blam! Acid trip lol. That happens a lot in the movie by the way so pay attention. There are alot of little things that happened where you need to be quick. It's definitely worth checking out. Guys will love the lesbian scene and girls probably dig...well the lesbian scene lol. So go check it out. They definitely need to give that guy more money to make another movie and it will be nice to see Natalie Portman doing a different role this time around.

1 comment:

  1. This is an excellent review. I will definately check this movie out and most of all, I will be looking forward to any future reviews you may right. You are a very humorous and charming writer.